Sensitivity

  I'd like to take a moment to talk about sensitivity.  If you yourself is dealing with infertility, chances are you've gotten all the advice in the world from the fertiles.  Sure, they think they're being helpful, but more than likely, that advice can illicit a gut punch reaction.  That feeling that the advice is more hurtful than helpful.  If you're the one giving the advice, you probably don't know how saying something seemingly innocent can affect those you're giving it to.
  Recently, my dear IF BFF (infertility best friend) publicized her blog on facebook.  I love her blog, so I thought it was a wonderful idea and "liked" it.  Consequently, that must publicize it to all my friends.  Apparently, my cousin, who tried for 3 years for their first, felt the need to message her at tell her to "change her focus" and she'd be pregnant.  It's just like telling someone to relax.  I felt gut punched for her, so imagine how my dear friend must of felt.  I told her I would handle my cousin and apologized profusely.  Now I realize why my extended family doesn't know what we're going through and why I won't make a facebook page for this blog.
  I messaged my cousin and attempted to discuss things calmly with her.  I told her how I am sure she didn't mean for it to, but comments like that can be very hurtful and because of her own struggle, please remember how that felt.  She didn't mean to be hurtful, but continued to defend what she said.  I'm sorry, but changing focus, eating right, losing weight/getting healthy doesn't always "cure" infertility (although they are wonderful things to do while trying to conceive-don't get me wrong).  In all of her defense, she never mentioned what she did treatment wise to get pregnant.  Maybe she didn't do anything.  Far be it from me to judge anyone elses journey to parenthood, but it's hard to listen to someone say that they've been where we've been.  Until you've had multiple failed IVF cycles, you really haven't been here.
  During national infertility awareness week, I posted this link on my facebook.  http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html  I had hoped to educate friends and family that don't know how hurtful their comments can be.  Maybe I need to repost it.