Thursday, January 16, 2014

What do you even say?

I swear, I haven't been neglecting this blog on purpose.  There are days I sit and stare at the blank screen and just can't find the words.  Pregnancy-wise, we are doing well.  I'll be 28 weeks tomorrow.  The babies are very active most of the time.  On our last u/s, baby girl weighed in at 1 lb 12 oz & baby boy is 1 lb 13 oz.  I measured a fundal height of 33 weeks then (I was 25 weeks at the time).  We get another scan tomorrow.  For the most part, I feel okay but work is getting rough.  My pelvis hurts most of the time, which makes it difficult to be on my feet for 12 hours.  I can't really complain, since we've made it this far.  I'm just starting to understand why my OB asks me about when I'll stop working.  We also had our first baby shower this past weekend.  This one was hosted by my family.  It was very overhelming, given how there was a time I never thought we'd get to this point.  We have one a week from saturday with my in laws and one the following week with my work family.

I suppose part of the reason for my silence is because I don't know how to talk about my happiness when someone I care for greatly is hurting.  Last month, my IF BFF was found to have complications with her pregnancy(out of respect, I will not divulge details).  She ended up delivering her sweet baby boy at 20 weeks.  It's taken me a long time to figure out what to say about it all.  I'm angry for her.  I don't think it's fair that after enduring a long battle with IF, this happened.  How much is one couple supposed to take?  I am simply amazed by her.  To have even a fraction of her strength would be more than most people have.  I selfishly fear that what has happened to them will change the friendship she and I have.  I'm so used to talking to her about everything from IVF protocols to nausea that it's been quite an adjustment.  I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to shelter her, but I don't want to be insensitive either.  I know that I'll do whatever she needs me to, even if that means she needs some space.  My heart just aches for her.  Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.