Well, I survived the WTF appointment. We went in with questions in hand, and I think he was fairly ready for us. He started by reviewing the cycle, which he was happy about my response. He also proceeded to say that at this point, he feels that I am early diminished ovarian reserve, based on the quality and quantity of eggs I produce as well as the fact that none of our embryos ever make it to freeze. Him reminding me of that fact made me teary. I didn't want to cry in the appt; I wanted him to see the conversation as logical & factual-not emotional. I just couldn't help it. I'm so damn frustrated. How is it even possible to be DOR when Im only 28?! Ugh. At least he's starting to put labels on things. And I find relief that he said he still thinks it's possible for me to get pregnant-it just might take longer than it does for others.
Next came the talk of what do we check and out came my list. He agreed that we should check my insulin resistance and that it's possible I am atypical PCOS as well. He suggested checking my androgens too since we hadn't done so. He also agreed to check my vitamin D level since studies show being deficient can impede implantation and is common in heavier patients (plus the fact I don't see any sunlight at least 3 days a week and am pale as hell!) He will do some of the immune testing I asked for and stated some of it he doesn't see enough research on so we'll hold off. The final one we agreed to was a genetic carrier test. The RE stated that it's very possible that with being DOR with no freezable embryos that we could be having genetic problems & could be why we aren't having success. Initially when we consulted in August, we declined this test stating we would think about it again later if we hadn't had success. Well, now it's time to check that too. The good thing about that is that it'll check me for the genetic thrombophillias as well. He also agreed to do a saline sonogram but said that he didn't think an endometrial biopsy would be beneficial at this time. I can't say I'm disappointed about that.
As far as protocol changes, he's changing me from the antagonist to the long lupron protocol. I'm a little nervous about that. I dont know why but I felt some comfort knowing that I wouldn't ovulate early when I was on the ganerelix. I suppose I'll just have to get used to the idea. It also means I have at least 3 weeks of shots instead of 10 days. But whatever it takes. He is also tweaking my doses of follistim & menopur so I have more menopur. Apparently my body must like it better. We also talked about continuing the baby aspirin and adding prednisone (a steroid) to help with implantation. I'm all for that! Then depending on the outcome of the thrombophillia testing, he may add heparin. We will stick with the Crinone, though he offered if I felt more comfortable, I can do every other day PIO in addition to it. I'm not sure about that.
He also said it was okay to take the list of vitamins/supplements I brought him. He just waned me to check what's in my prenatal vitamin so that I'm not overdosing on the fat soluable (ADEK) vitamins as it could be toxic. I also got a green light for acupuncture. I asked what he thought about reproductive immunology & he's not a huge believer in it. Half of his testing & protocol changes are things that an RI would do. I'm thinking that I should wait & see what happens with his testing before I make an appointment with an RI. I had been on the fence about getting another opinion, but I am happy with the changes he's making and how receptive he was to my questions and input. I think we'll stay put for now. Jeremy made a good point of what would another doctor really do differently, and I don't really think anything. I want to stay with who knows me.
I've agreed to cycle in April. I was on the fence about it, due to the weight loss issue. After talking to the RE about it, he said that as long as I'm eating and being more healthy overall, the number on the scale might not matter as much. I still plan to lose as much as I can before cycling. Originally he said 10% and I'm already halfway there. Every little bit helps. So now all I have to do is wait till I get my next period to schedule all the labwork. I could go in sooner, but the androgens are dependent on where I am in my cycle. I'd rather go in once and get it all done than to go in multiple times and have to pay my copay each time. The saline sono he said he could do either in the beginning half of my cycle or wait till I'm on the BCPs.
Overall, I feel good. Nervous but good. I'm just praying this will be it.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Hey guess what
I am completely wrong about being able to cycle in March. My RE doesn't have an IVF week for march. I don't know where my brain got that from considering I have the IVF weeks through June marked in my calender. The next available one is first week of April. So, depending on how long a workup with the RI could take, I might fall right in line with an April retrieval. So, just to recap, here are my options:
1. Hopefully see the RI in the first week of March, get a plan & hopefully my RE will go along with it. Cycle in April. (or May or June, depending on whats needed from me)
2. See how much of the immune workup I can get my RE to do and make protocol changes accordingly. Cycle when we want-still April, May or June
3. Try to see another RI sooner than March. There's an RE with an RI background in Oakbrook, maybe try to see her but still cycle with my RE. I don't think this is the best option since I think the other RE will try to have me cycle with them and I love my office.
Originally I wanted to cycle in the April group, because if it didnt work, then I have time off work around the group in June. Part of me has to wonder if I should just wait for June. I also was hesitant about the April group because I have tickets to go see Maroon 5 at the end of the ER week. I can't miss Adam Levine! Although, going to the concert might be a good distration. I just worry about if I'll be doing my transfer around then because they put me on bedrest for 2 days and I don't think a concert counts as bedrest. I guess we'll have to wait & see what the RE says tomorrow. I'm nervous.
1. Hopefully see the RI in the first week of March, get a plan & hopefully my RE will go along with it. Cycle in April. (or May or June, depending on whats needed from me)
2. See how much of the immune workup I can get my RE to do and make protocol changes accordingly. Cycle when we want-still April, May or June
3. Try to see another RI sooner than March. There's an RE with an RI background in Oakbrook, maybe try to see her but still cycle with my RE. I don't think this is the best option since I think the other RE will try to have me cycle with them and I love my office.
Originally I wanted to cycle in the April group, because if it didnt work, then I have time off work around the group in June. Part of me has to wonder if I should just wait for June. I also was hesitant about the April group because I have tickets to go see Maroon 5 at the end of the ER week. I can't miss Adam Levine! Although, going to the concert might be a good distration. I just worry about if I'll be doing my transfer around then because they put me on bedrest for 2 days and I don't think a concert counts as bedrest. I guess we'll have to wait & see what the RE says tomorrow. I'm nervous.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Stuck
Things have been going okay lately. Our appointment to talk about the last IVF cycle is Tuesday and I think the ICU nurse in me is in overdrive. I have an outline of questions I want to discuss, as well as followup questions based on his answers. I hope he's ready for me. Some of my questions focus on potentially working in tandem with a reproductive immunologist for the next cycle. I think given my family history with blood clots, heart problems, strokes, etc that it is a good idea to check everything out we possibly can. I don't want to go into the next cycle with thoughts of doubt in my head. If we find something, we can treat it accordingly. If there's nothing, then I'll know we did everything we can regardless of the outcome. I also intend to talk to him about doing a saline sonogram and endometrial biopsy. I realize that makes me sound borderline munchausen syndrome, but I just need to be sure everything's alright. Plus there are studies showing that having the biopsy done helps with implantation. Why not try!?
I've started getting things set up with a reproductive immunologist (RI). Ive been reading other people experiences online and Im kind of excited. They look for problems in your immune system and 99% of what they look for has a treatment. What do I have to lose? (besides about 20 vials of blood) So I had to fill out a 12 page patient history form, get my medical records to them for a nurse to review and then they call you for an appt. I called them after sending my records to them at fedex just to make sure they got the patient forms I faxed. Turns out that they are booked until the first week of March. Guess when the next retrieval week I can get in on is. You guessed it. First week of march. So my dilemma is: Do I wait to cycle till first week of May (that's the next available after the March group) or do I see if my RE can do a lot of this testing & modify my protocol? I see pros & cons on each side. If I wait to cycle, I have more time to lose weight, and will hopefully have all the RIs input for the next cycle and hopefully increasing our chance of success. May just seems so far away! If the RE will help with testing, then I can hopefully cycle sooner, but thats less time to lose weight and I don't know how much he'll go along with it. I think it sounds like waiting till May is the better option at this point, but we'll see what the RE has to say on Tuesday.
The diet has been going well, apparently I'm down 9 lbs, which bring my bmi to 40.2. Slowly but surely!! I'm hoping that since I'm combating AF bloat, that once she's gone, I'll see more loss. Wish me luck!!!
I've started getting things set up with a reproductive immunologist (RI). Ive been reading other people experiences online and Im kind of excited. They look for problems in your immune system and 99% of what they look for has a treatment. What do I have to lose? (besides about 20 vials of blood) So I had to fill out a 12 page patient history form, get my medical records to them for a nurse to review and then they call you for an appt. I called them after sending my records to them at fedex just to make sure they got the patient forms I faxed. Turns out that they are booked until the first week of March. Guess when the next retrieval week I can get in on is. You guessed it. First week of march. So my dilemma is: Do I wait to cycle till first week of May (that's the next available after the March group) or do I see if my RE can do a lot of this testing & modify my protocol? I see pros & cons on each side. If I wait to cycle, I have more time to lose weight, and will hopefully have all the RIs input for the next cycle and hopefully increasing our chance of success. May just seems so far away! If the RE will help with testing, then I can hopefully cycle sooner, but thats less time to lose weight and I don't know how much he'll go along with it. I think it sounds like waiting till May is the better option at this point, but we'll see what the RE has to say on Tuesday.
The diet has been going well, apparently I'm down 9 lbs, which bring my bmi to 40.2. Slowly but surely!! I'm hoping that since I'm combating AF bloat, that once she's gone, I'll see more loss. Wish me luck!!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Roll out the red carpet!!
My dear friend Kate of Jim & Kate plus 8...8 doctors that is :) nominated me for a Liebster award! Gosh this comes as such a shock, I don't even have a speech prepared! I should thank all of my English teachers for teaching me how to properly form a sentence, my husband for putting up with my craziness, and I suppose Infertility, for giving me something to write about. Thanks Kate!!
If you receive a nomination, there are a few rules to follow:
1) Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves.
2) Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked.
3) Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate.
4) They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post.
5) Bloggers must be notified of their award!
6) No tag backs!
So here are my 11 things about me.
1. My brother and I are born on the same day, 3 years apart. Im older.
2.I have a deep love of horror movies/shows etc. Its a love I got from my dad. I will pick something scary over a chick flick any day.
3. I used to be terrified of needles. Like run from the room, have a panic attack kind of terror. I do fine when I have to stick someone else, thankfully. IVF has helped me get over that fear pretty quick, but my blood pressure still sky rockets when I have to get an IV.
4. Being a nurse was never an intentional career choice for me. For awhile I wanted to be a cop (I have a ton of family that are cops), and then I wanted to be a music teacher. I even was a music major my first year of college. I wanted to teach choir, and sing all the time. I also used to play guitar, can pick out a tune on the piano (my instructor at WIU said I didn't practice enough), and can read sheet music.
5. I met Jeremy while performing in a madrigal dinner together during our first semester at WIU. We were 18. So, yes, we've been together 10 years.
6. I am socially awkward because I worry about what other people think too much.
7. I am a coffee-holic. I've restricted myself to 1 cup a day, and completely cut it out when we are in an IVF cycle. Doing so might be more difficult for me than the shots. lol
8. I have broken the same leg 2 times. I spent a good chunk of my early teens in a cast up to my hip, on crutches and in physical therapy. I had 5 surgeries on it as a result and now have a rod & screws. No MRIs for this girl!
9. When I was 18, my dad passed away from a massive heart attack. It changed my life, but I am proud of the person I am because of it.
10. I really want a hedgehog. I just love those lil hedgies!!
11. Im a cubs fan. Surprising since I've always been a southsider. lol
And here are the questions from Kate
1) What is your favorite season? There's something I love about every season, but if I had to pick one, Id say summer. There's nothing better than driving with all the windows open, blasting some good music.
2) Do you know how to swim? Sure do! It's my favorite activity. I even swam on the team in high school(distance swimmer, 500 freestyle was my event)
3) What's your favorite meal? Ooh tough one. I love my carbs, so pasta is always a favorite.
4) Do you prefer texting or calling? Depends who it is, texting for the most part though
5) Do you have any pets, if so what kind?We have 4 pets, 2 bearded dragons (I call them Carl & Ellie-not quite sure if thats what Jeremy thinks theyre called though) and 2 orange tabby cats named Dunkin & Murray. Theyre just over a year old and my babies. If you look back to the post about our first shipment of IVF meds, they make a guest appearance.
6) If you press shuffle on iTunes/iPod/iPhone, what are the first 3 songs that play? Try-Pink, Commin in hot-Hollywood Undead, Payphone-Maroon 5
7) If you could have lunch with any person dead or alive, who would it be? My dad. or Maybe John Lennon.
8) What is your favorite TV show? Hmm another tough one. Greys anatomy, American Horror Story, the office, Bobs burgers are all on the top of my list.
9) Do you like your job? If not, what would you prefer to do?I LOVE my job. I had never planned to be a nurse, but I really cant imagine myself doing anything else.
10) What would you do if you won the lottery? Pay off my student loans! And any of the rest of our debt, including the house. Maybe put more thought into adoption.
11) What were you doing 30 minutes ago? I ate an apple with peanut butter after being at the gym.
My Questions for my Nominees:
1. Favorite memory from your childhood?
2. If you're married, what was your first dance song?
3. What was your best vacation?
4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
5. Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
6. Can you speak another language besides English?
7. Do you have any hobbies?
8. Favorite way to spend a day off work?
9. Least favorite food?
10. If you had $1000 to spend on anything you want, what would it be?
11. How would you best describe your personality?
And the Nominees are......
1. Betsy BS and everything else
2. KristyKay Strength, Hope and Everything in between
3. Kati The Juice is worth the squeeze
4. Jane Infertilityland is not like Disneyland
5. Lisa The road to baby Oz
I know I was supposed to have 11, but Im out of people that havent already gotten a Liebster! If I missed you, let me know & I'll nominate you too!
This award is given to new or up-and coming-bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. What a fun way to get to know other bloggers!
If you receive a nomination, there are a few rules to follow:
1) Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves.
2) Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked.
3) Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate.
4) They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post.
5) Bloggers must be notified of their award!
6) No tag backs!
So here are my 11 things about me.
1. My brother and I are born on the same day, 3 years apart. Im older.
2.I have a deep love of horror movies/shows etc. Its a love I got from my dad. I will pick something scary over a chick flick any day.
3. I used to be terrified of needles. Like run from the room, have a panic attack kind of terror. I do fine when I have to stick someone else, thankfully. IVF has helped me get over that fear pretty quick, but my blood pressure still sky rockets when I have to get an IV.
4. Being a nurse was never an intentional career choice for me. For awhile I wanted to be a cop (I have a ton of family that are cops), and then I wanted to be a music teacher. I even was a music major my first year of college. I wanted to teach choir, and sing all the time. I also used to play guitar, can pick out a tune on the piano (my instructor at WIU said I didn't practice enough), and can read sheet music.
5. I met Jeremy while performing in a madrigal dinner together during our first semester at WIU. We were 18. So, yes, we've been together 10 years.
6. I am socially awkward because I worry about what other people think too much.
7. I am a coffee-holic. I've restricted myself to 1 cup a day, and completely cut it out when we are in an IVF cycle. Doing so might be more difficult for me than the shots. lol
8. I have broken the same leg 2 times. I spent a good chunk of my early teens in a cast up to my hip, on crutches and in physical therapy. I had 5 surgeries on it as a result and now have a rod & screws. No MRIs for this girl!
9. When I was 18, my dad passed away from a massive heart attack. It changed my life, but I am proud of the person I am because of it.
10. I really want a hedgehog. I just love those lil hedgies!!
11. Im a cubs fan. Surprising since I've always been a southsider. lol
And here are the questions from Kate
1) What is your favorite season? There's something I love about every season, but if I had to pick one, Id say summer. There's nothing better than driving with all the windows open, blasting some good music.
2) Do you know how to swim? Sure do! It's my favorite activity. I even swam on the team in high school(distance swimmer, 500 freestyle was my event)
3) What's your favorite meal? Ooh tough one. I love my carbs, so pasta is always a favorite.
4) Do you prefer texting or calling? Depends who it is, texting for the most part though
5) Do you have any pets, if so what kind?We have 4 pets, 2 bearded dragons (I call them Carl & Ellie-not quite sure if thats what Jeremy thinks theyre called though) and 2 orange tabby cats named Dunkin & Murray. Theyre just over a year old and my babies. If you look back to the post about our first shipment of IVF meds, they make a guest appearance.
6) If you press shuffle on iTunes/iPod/iPhone, what are the first 3 songs that play? Try-Pink, Commin in hot-Hollywood Undead, Payphone-Maroon 5
7) If you could have lunch with any person dead or alive, who would it be? My dad. or Maybe John Lennon.
8) What is your favorite TV show? Hmm another tough one. Greys anatomy, American Horror Story, the office, Bobs burgers are all on the top of my list.
9) Do you like your job? If not, what would you prefer to do?I LOVE my job. I had never planned to be a nurse, but I really cant imagine myself doing anything else.
10) What would you do if you won the lottery? Pay off my student loans! And any of the rest of our debt, including the house. Maybe put more thought into adoption.
11) What were you doing 30 minutes ago? I ate an apple with peanut butter after being at the gym.
My Questions for my Nominees:
1. Favorite memory from your childhood?
2. If you're married, what was your first dance song?
3. What was your best vacation?
4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
5. Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
6. Can you speak another language besides English?
7. Do you have any hobbies?
8. Favorite way to spend a day off work?
9. Least favorite food?
10. If you had $1000 to spend on anything you want, what would it be?
11. How would you best describe your personality?
And the Nominees are......
1. Betsy BS and everything else
2. KristyKay Strength, Hope and Everything in between
3. Kati The Juice is worth the squeeze
4. Jane Infertilityland is not like Disneyland
5. Lisa The road to baby Oz
I know I was supposed to have 11, but Im out of people that havent already gotten a Liebster! If I missed you, let me know & I'll nominate you too!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
You gotta get up and try.
Happy New Year everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a while. I've been having a rough time lately. Maybe it's the BFN, maybe its that we just hit the 2 year mark of TTC, Im not sure. I just can't shake this bitterness. I know other peoples' fertility does not effect mine. I just have such a hard time having other pregnancies seemingly thrown in my face. The girl I work with complaining about how sick she is, or the senior resident posting her u/s on our kitchen bulletin board. I can't even eat my lunch in peace. Or the people who complain about how their kids won't sleep, eat, excessive extracurriculars etc. Do you know how much I'd kill to stay up all night with a baby? I keep telling myself that dealing with those people and facing it will just make me stronger. Though there are days I think I'm just full of shit.
Our WTF appt is quickly approaching. I've got my list ready, but honestly, I just feel at such a loss. I know he told us the last time that some of his couples cycle 3-4 times before getting pregnant. The thought of doing a 4th cycle for baby#1 makes me kinda sick. There just has to be a reason this isn't working.
As part of my prep for IVF3, I signed back up at the gym. Reducing my BMI is the only thing the RE said is something else I can be doing to help this work. I've also started making a conscious effort to eat better. I downloaded an app to calculate my calories and keep track of my workouts. So far I am notoriously coming in below what I should be for caloric intake, but the app is scolding me. I need to get closer to that 1290 calorie/day mark. I do notice I feel better after working out, but I'm lacking some serious motivation today. I know I need to go, since I work the next 2 days. So far I've lost 5 lbs though, so I guess the hard work is paying off. I looked up how much I need to lose to bring my BMI into a healthy zone and I guess I need to have my jaw wired shut. 88lbs to be a healthy BMI. it seems so far away. Here's some stats though:
Oh, if you haven't heard it yet, go listen to the song Try by Pink. There's a few lines I've been taking to heart lately.
"Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try"
I gotta get up and try.xoxo
Our WTF appt is quickly approaching. I've got my list ready, but honestly, I just feel at such a loss. I know he told us the last time that some of his couples cycle 3-4 times before getting pregnant. The thought of doing a 4th cycle for baby#1 makes me kinda sick. There just has to be a reason this isn't working.
As part of my prep for IVF3, I signed back up at the gym. Reducing my BMI is the only thing the RE said is something else I can be doing to help this work. I've also started making a conscious effort to eat better. I downloaded an app to calculate my calories and keep track of my workouts. So far I am notoriously coming in below what I should be for caloric intake, but the app is scolding me. I need to get closer to that 1290 calorie/day mark. I do notice I feel better after working out, but I'm lacking some serious motivation today. I know I need to go, since I work the next 2 days. So far I've lost 5 lbs though, so I guess the hard work is paying off. I looked up how much I need to lose to bring my BMI into a healthy zone and I guess I need to have my jaw wired shut. 88lbs to be a healthy BMI. it seems so far away. Here's some stats though:
- Starting weight & BMI 1/1: 228lbs, 41.7 BMI
- Today's Weigh in 1/9: 223.5, 40.9 BMI
Oh, if you haven't heard it yet, go listen to the song Try by Pink. There's a few lines I've been taking to heart lately.
"Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try"
I gotta get up and try.xoxo
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