Sunday, July 29, 2012

Disclaimer

I probably should have started this blog with the disclaimer that I am writing this for me.  I need somewhere where I can express what I am thinking without the judgement I could get.  Infertility is extremely emotional.  I will not sugar coat anything I say here.  If you don't like it, don't read it.

I Will Be a Wonderful Mother.

I borrowed this from another blog I love to read.  This has helped me get through some tough days.  I actually printed it out & keep it in my wallet.  The blog it came from is here Strength, Hope, and Everything Inbetween

Blackbird singing in the dead of night....

Yesterday was a good and bad day.  Let's start with the good.  I went in for my labwork and antral follicle ultrasound. I LOVE my new RE's nurse.  The ultrasound wasn't as bad as I thought, and she got my blood so easy for labs!  I definitely feel that we are making the right choice by switching.  We also got to spend time with my best friend, her husband and their almost 2 year old.  It was such a good time.  We looks at old pictures and laughed all night.

The bad....My best friend text me while we were on the way home to tell me a mutual friend of ours is pregnant.  She is unmarried and got pregnant from a booty call.  Apparently, the guy wants her to have an abortion, as he has 4 other children with 2 other women.  She plans to keep it.  I know I should just be happy that my friend is having a baby.  I can't help but feel extremely bitter about it.  She wasn't even trying!  We've been trying for almost 2 years, have had 3 failed IUIs, 4 medicated cycles, countless negative pregnancy tests, labs and painful tests and I've never even seen a glimmer of a 2nd line.  Now she gets a baby and I get to stab myself with needles up to 4 times a day and go through IVF.  WTF!?  Infertility is so unfair sometimes.  

Meredith Grey "Why the universe is SO screwed up?"

Monday, July 23, 2012

Well, it's about time.

It's about time that I cave and start blogging.  At least I can get all the crazy thoughts outta my head and attempt to be normal.  Long story short, my husband and I have been trying unsuccessfully for our first baby for a little over a year & a half.  We went through a seemingly normal progression but when things weren't working out, I went to my OB.  He suggested clomid and some labwork for both of us.  When my husbands analysis came back skewed, we were referred to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist).  In the downtime waiting to see the RE, my OB did some more labwork, an ultrasound and an HSG(test with radiology to see if my tubes were blocked.-thank god they weren't). 

One we saw the RE, he suggested we try IUI (intrauterine insemination) with clomid.  I agreed to 3 of them, because the success rate drops after 3.  Well, 3 IUIs & a 2nd opinion later, we are moving to IVF.  We are switching REs to do it.  Our new doctor is much closer to home and a much smaller practice.  I feel that I'll be monitored much more closely there.  I hope this works because I am terrified. 

As soon as I start a new cycle, we start the prep work.  Starting CD 3, they put me on birth control to supress my natural cycle, draw labs from both of us, and we sign the consents.  So far, it looks like we'd be stimming and doing our egg retrieval & embryo transfer( ER/ET) in Sept. 

So this is it.  The big guns.  Our motto right now is Go Big or Go Home.  Here goes nothing.