Shock

  I am in complete shock.  Yesterday was by far the longest day of my life.  The RE didn't call until after 5 with our beta results.  You might want to sit down for this.  Beta #1 is 335!!!  I am officially pregnant.  As he gave me the number, I yelled holy shit! and started sobbing.  Then I had to stop and ask him what's next.  I am in completely unknown territory now.  My progesterone came back at 59.79 and Estradiol is 599.  He told me all those numbers look good and that's a strong first beta.  I go back on Monday for beta #2, and then again in 2 weeks for an ultrasound.  I'm not sure if it's sunk in yet. 

   I finally asked DH for all my hpts back.  I lasted until this morning, but I just needed to see the two lines.  So I took a FRER and both lines popped up immediately, so I took an interned cheapie.  again, immediate.  So I caved an took a digital.  Just to be sure. :)  I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life. 

   Needless to say, we aren't telling anyone yet.  Well, I shouldn't say anyone.  A few of my in real life friends that went through IF knew I was having my beta drawn.  There's no way I can lie about that to them.  I want to wait until at least after the ultrasound, possibly closer to 12 weeks.  We've just tried for this for so long that I want to be able to enjoy it with DH first, before everyone else gets involved. 

   It's difficult to turn off the IF part of my brain.  I have a million thoughts all at once.  One of the biggest thoughts is how to I handle this with my IF friends?  Granted, I know that if the roles were reversed, I would be happy for them, but a part of me would be sad for me.  I don't want my friends to hurt over something that's so happy.  However, I know it's not that simple as an infertile.  I don't want to lose the friendships I've gained through the process but I don't want to be in their faces either.  (granted, I'm chubby, so it'll be awhile before I have a bump)I am in uncharted territory for sure.  I just hope my friends still fighting know how much I love and support them and I will do whatever they need to me to.