Non-Mother's Day?

  I am feeling a lot of anxiety about Mother's Day.  I thought I was safe, because I will be at work that day.  However, I still need to plan another day to celebrate with my mom which leaves the potential to possibly celebrate with my sister in law as well.  I know I am a horrible person for it, but I am just not excited.  It's hard to be left out and to be happy for others when you are sad for yourself.  Honestly, I'd rather just take my mom out to lunch or something and leave it at that.  Hopefully everyone understands.  I also thought I was safe from my in laws party however, the new plan is that we will do a delayed mother's day.  DH's grandparents are snowbirds and are coming back from FL after mother's day so my MIL's plan is to do Mother's Day and mine and DH's birthday since they are both the end of May.  She also planned it for a day that I'm off so I can't get out of it (especially because my birthday is tied into it). 
  I wish everyone could understand how difficult celebrating those days are for me.  I'm not just being a selfish Biotch.  I hate having to go to things and fake being happy when I'm hurting so much.  I'd rather just stay home and pretend it's just another day.  I talked about this anxiety with my therapist the other day.  I told her that it's painful to celebrate something I want so bad but might never be.  What she said to me really caught me off guard.  She told me I already am a mother, regardless of if I've actually gotten pregnant or not.  I have made sacrefices for the benefit of my eggs/embryos.  I loved the children they could have been, and dreamed and planned a life with them.  They were real and even though they didn't stick, they are still mine.  I guess I never really thought about it like that.
  She also suggested I do something nice for myself to commemorate the day.  A lot of people tend to forget women like me on Mother's day.  She suggested maybe planting a tree or doing something that makes me feel good.  I had been saving getting a pedicure for once I lose 22 lbs, as that is the 10% that the RE wanted me to lose.  I do like the idea of planting a tree or something.  I thought maybe I'd find a flowering tree for the backyard and maybe make a planter around it as well.  Maybe I could put 4 perennial plants in it as a reminder of the embryos that didn't take.  I'm not sure yet. 
 
   So my question is, what would you do for yourself to commerate your mother's day?