Easter

  Happy Easter everyone!!  Today I will be spending the day with my favorite little "chicks" at work.  I know you must be thinking that it must suck to be here on a holiday.  Honestly, this one I don't mind.  It's nice to see the families so excited.  Granted it makes me sad when there are families that don't visit.  It also gives me a reason to avoid questions at family parties.  Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family (both by blood and by marriage).  There are just some days I don't want to deal with the questions.  I also don't want to publicly deal with the fact that this is yet again another holiday where we don't have a child.  No little easter dress and bonnet or suit shopping.  No easter egg hunt in our back yard.  No treat basket.  I know that's not what the holidays are about, but it just makes me sad.  So I guess being at work and spending the time with other people's babies and being a part of their celebration is the next best thing. 
    Honestly, to some families here, we are an extension of their family.  We become adopted "Aunties," and rejoice in the accomplishments of their kids, no matter how small they seem.  On days I am fully of self pity, its a reminder that it can always be worse and to remember to look for the little things to be happy about.  Maybe next year will be different.  I am optimistic that this spring brings forth rebirth and new life.  And if that's not a baby, then maybe finding my life again.  Infertility is so consuming sometimes that when I step back and look at myself, some days, I don't even recognize me anymore.  I am not the same person I was 2.5 years ago.  Some days, Im not so sure that's a good thing, but I know for sure I am a stronger person because of it.  Again, looking for the little things. 

I hope everyone that celebrates enjoys their holiday and hug your families tight.  BTW, still no results from the labwork.