Irrational fears

   Well folks, I am less than 24 hours away from surgery.  Yes I know they are not cutting my skin, but I'll be in a surgical center, under general anesthesia (meaning IV drugs and being intubated) so in my book, that's surgery.  Plus they are still cutting something out of me.  Nerves are starting to set in.  I was thankful this was my weekend to work.  I likened it to being like when I took my nursing boards right before my weekend to work so that it would keep my mind busy while I waited for what I couldn't speed up.  However, working hasnt gotten my mind off things, especially when I was cancelled from my first 8 hours today. 

   I was lucky enough to be assigned to a good set of patients in the same room as one of my friends.  I needed a day like that after they past couple weeks I've had at work.  I really haven't said anything to anyone at work about tomorrow, besides my friend I was with yesterday, my supervisor yesterday (only because I was asking for thursday & friday off), and my unit manager.  As my day progressed, I kept thinking more & more about monday.  It isn't even the huge stuff-will the polyp be cancer etc.  It's all little stuff.  I suppose I'll blame the nurse in me for a lack of control and the fact that the last time I had surgery, save for the egg retrievals and having my wisdom teeth removed, was when I was 15. 

   I've started to develop a list of irrational fears.  I think it's kinda funny, but perhaps that's the fear talking.  I'd like to share that list.
1.  I'm afraid that they'll knock my teeth out & I'll choke/swallow them while they are intubating me. 
2.  I'm afraid that I'll get the paralytic medicine and not the sedation (basically being awake but unable to move & tell them)
3.  I'm afraid I'll need a foley and that they'll put it in/take it out while Im awake.
4.  inability to get the IV on the first attempt.  I can't eat or drink after midnight, dont have to be there till 10:45 & wont be in the OR until noon.  There's a high likelyhood that I'll be dehydrated by then thus making an IV difficult.
5.  Im afraid of extreme pain.  There's just something about uterine pain that is like nothing I've ever felt before-this coming from the girl that has broken her leg 2 times and had 5 surgeries on it.
6.  Let's be honest.  I worry that this polyp could be something bad.  I know the RE said there's a less than 1% chance of that, but cmon.  I broke the same leg, same bone on two seperate occasions.  stranger things have happened.
7.  I worry it'll be worse than he thinks when he gets in there and that he might need to done something more extensive than we planned.
8.  I worry that maybe he wont let me cycle in May.
9.  Air embolism in my IV.  We can blame my friend Lisa for that one.  I wonder if they would mind if I bring them a tubing filter from work.
10. I worry that even after we do this, I still won't get pregnant.

There.  I think that's everything.  Now that they're out there for all to see, maybe I can move past these fears and work on staying focused and positive for tomorrow.

I've decided to send the newest labs to the RI's office and let them know of the new developments.  Maybe they'll tell me not to come.  I really don't know if I should go or not.

I wonder which lucky socks I should wear tomorrow.