Worried and Anxious

I've been trying to organize my thoughts for this post.  I have typed and deleted, and typed and deleted.  I need to stop deleting and just talk.  How bout a weekend recap first?

Saturday was the Resolve meeting.  I'll admit, when I went to the first one, I was apprehensive.  That quickly changed and I finally felt like I found a place for me.  As sad as it is that so many women are having the same struggle as me, it's nice not to feel so alone.  I also got to have breakfast with a couple of the girls afterwards, so that was great!  The rest of saturday consisted of cleaning and baking for sunday.

Sunday, the chicagoland ladies from the Infertility board had our get together.  I had a blast!  It was so great to finally put faces with names.  It's nice be able to speak openly about what's on my mind, especially infertility wise without having to censor myself like I do with a lot of my friends.  In the evening, my brother, sister in law, and my brother's best friend came over to watch walking dead.  I turned it into a party and served cocktail weenies, guacamole, chips, beef sandwiches, and Irish carbomb cupcakes.  My sister in law brought a yummy pizza dip.  It was fun!

So, now we get to all the worry and anxiousness.  One of my friends who is also going through IVF, has been getting second opinions.  Which of course made me go back & look at my REs SART data for DOR patients.  He had ZERO successful DOR fresh IVF cycles.  Cue freakout.  My husband could tell something was wrong, and finally got it out of me.  He told me that I put it in the REs mouth that I'm DOR.  I honestly can't recall if I did that or not.  So I was starting to worry that maybe I should get another opinion.  I just dont want to waste any more of my cycles.  I think that part of the anxiety is the fear of another failure.

I keep reminding myself of all the changes the RE is going to make this time.  Plus I have the RI appt coming up too.  I told my husband that if she suggests anything minor (steroids, blood thinners) I'm on board with doing that with this cycle.  If she wants to something more extreme (IVIG or intralipids) that I would save that for IVF#4 if we needed to.  I'm hoping that I'll have some results for the labs I'm having drawn tomorrow before that appt and that she can make some suggestions for dosing since I think he'll do steroids anyways.  I've been working on this post for too long, and now I have more to update so I'll end here & start a new post.