Having infertility should come with super powers. If I can't have a child, I should at least get some kind of badass super power to make up for it. Right about now I'd kill to be able to predict the future. I was driving home tonight after a long, trying day at work when my phone rang. It was my sister in law. I should have been tipped off right there cause she doesn't really call me a whole lot. She was calling to let me know I'm going to be an auntie in October. I swear I almost crashed the car. All of a sudden, I didn't know what to do. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. A million thoughts flooded my mind at once. "October? how many weeks does that make her?" "I thought they were waiting like 5 years"and of course the inevitable..."why?"
I held it together pretty well while talking to her, but then she handed the phone to my brother. My strength failed me and I started crying. I congratulated him, calling him "daddy." We ended the phone call and all I could do was sob. I
feel like the worlds worst sister, because even though Im happy for
them, in the back of my mind, I'm throwing myself a huge pity party. I
am angry that I have to deal with IF and that it is robbing me of such
a joyful event. I am scared that my next IVF will fail again and that
I will never have children. But I am also relieved that my brother and
sister in law do not have to fight this fight too. My brother had a testicular torsion when he was younger, so I worried IF was in his future too. For that I am
thankful.
I think I need to get a cape for my next IVF cycle.
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