Fear

After our appointment with the OB on Tuesday I told DH how it felt weird to be a regular pregnant person.  I honestly settled into the idea.  Not being a diagnosis or a protocol, and just be pregnant.  Today, however, I emailed the NP at Dr. KKs to ask about my labwork from this week.  My NK cells are still elevated and now my TSH is low.  I've also seen a couple dips in my estrogen and progesterone, but she explained that's fine because we did some weaning.  So of course I've questioned the NK cells.  I've done 2 rounds of IVIg and am on a decent dose of prednisone, yet my labs barely budge.  It makes me question the efficacy of the treatment, and why am I putting myself through it if it doesn't seem to be doing much.  Her arguement is that we don't know what my levels would be if I wasn't on it.  I also questions the thyroid labs.  She advised me to continue my current dose of synthroid and later explained that she wants me to do that because my FreeT3 is also low.  Of course, because I do not deal with a lot of thyroid issues in the area of nursing I am in, I hit up the google.  Big mistake.  Both hyper and hypothyroidism can cause miscarriage.  It's bad enough that my hair is falling out at an alarming rate (which is why I thought to ask her to check it in the first place) but now I'm gonna worry even more that I'll miscarry.  Just when I think I'm getting comfortable, like we can start considering telling everyone, something like this happens.  I'm sure I won't stop worrying until they are in my arms, and even then, I know I'll worry more.  I'm also noticing some cramping.  I can't decide if it's in my head because of the fear of miscarriage or if it's real.  I'm just gonna drink some water and pray it goes away.