Boundries

Bear with me, this might get long. 
  That was the theme of my last therapy session.  I have a hard time setting boundries.  Especially where my family is concerned.  I blame the loss of my dad for a lot of it.  Like I need to make up for it or something even though I know I can't.  I feel a lot of responsibility towards my mom.  Making sure she's alright, has somewhere to go for holidays etc.  We'll blame that on being the oldest and her only girl. 
  When if comes to our infertility, initially I didn't tell my mom.  I waited till we had had some testing, but when I started meds, I told her.  She immediately started crying and didn't understand how I couldn't get pregnant since she had no difficulties.  It was then that I realized I needed to maintain some distance with her.  I wanted the mom that was 100% interested and supportive and she seems to get too caught up in her own pains to be able to be subjective.  I told her we moved to IUI, and explained how that worked, but not much else. 
  When we moved to IVF, again, I told her the plan.  I tried to explain how it worked and how big of a deal it was.  Again, I'm not sure how much she completely understood.  I wanted her involved.  I needed that cheerleader.  I gave her some details as we moved through the process.  Then, while I was in the 2ww, she began to ask when I would know if it worked.  I tried to explain to her that I would tell her when I was ready.  You would think that would be enough.  Nope.  She got mad I wouldn't tell her.  I tried to explain that I am trying to maintain a sense of normalcy.  I wanted to be able to announce to the family when I was pregnant and enjoy the excitement and grandure that goes with it.  After that, I made the decision to pick and choose what I tell her.  She knew we got twice as many eggs with our 2nd IVF, that it didn't work, and that we asked for more testing.
  When the extra testing came around, she tried to be more involved.  She understood testing for insulin resistance because I have diabetic family members.  She was thrilled when we found the polyp (that sounds strange right?  I was thrilled too) and shared the thought that it could have been the root of the problem.  I've told her I have a 2nd specialist helping our case and she's found things to fix, but she didn't really ask for details there.
 Lately, our talking has been at a minimum.  She's talked for awhile about doing a baby shower for my brother and sister in law.  All along, I've said I would help but not host.  I love my brother and his wife, and am thrilled for them to have their son.  When the RE dropped the bomb that he might not allow us to use my eggs for the next IVF, I called my mom sobbing.  I didn't know what else to do.  We talked about it for awhile, but she ultimately changed the topic of conversation to the baby shower. 
  At that point, I was very honest and told her I would help with what I can, but I can't make any guarantees that I will be able to go.  I have no idea what will  be happening with us at that time and I might not be okay to go.  She didn't even try to understand.  I have never backed out of anything for someone else based on my own feelings.  I tried to explain that it's not that I want to just get out of it.  Emotionally, I don't know if I can hold it together.  I don't want to take away from their day.  She seemed to maybe understand, so we left it at that.  Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, she brings the shower back up.  I stand my ground and again explain my position.  This time, she gets mad at me stating that she thought we supported people in this family.  I calmly explain that I do support them, but while I'm busy supporting them and putting myself into a painful situation, who is supporting me?  She couldn't answer that.  I told her she was being very rude and insensitive to me.  She apologized for that, but I'm not sure she understands why Im hurt.
  Our conversations have been kept to a minimum since then.  She sent cards for my birthday and anniversary and text me, which is not usual.  That hurt too.  Part of me wishes she could just understand for a second what this is like.  But part of me is so glad she and my dad, and my brother and sister in law don't have to experience this.  I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone. I don't understand why she and I have to have such a strange relationship.  I just want my mom to take interest in what I'm going through, ask appropriate questions and know what her boundries should be.  I've thought about bringing her to my appts, so she can see first hand what I go through.  But then I think that's a bad idea and drop the idea.  I wish things could be simple.  Then again, I wish that we could just get pregnant on our own.