Survival

        I survived the holidays, and with minimal bloodshed at that.  I think I deserve a medal or something.  It wasn't without drama though.  I got the BFN on Friday while I was at work.  I wasn't even supposed to work that day, but had switched with someone to have Saturday off to go to Hanukkah with my mother in law's family.  Now, I love my in-laws, don't get me wrong.  But sometimes they just need to learn to take a hint.  It's more so one aunt in particular.  She means well, but it's just too much sometimes.  On our 2 hour drive to her house, I was telling my husband how I was nervous about getting cornered by her and that I couldn't make any promises about being polite if she was too persistent.  Surprisingly, most of the party was fun.  The food was good, we had fun with white elephant and there was no baby talk.  That is, until we were trying to leave.  We were under curfew to leave, since I had to be up at 5am the next day & we had a long drive home. 
         We were in the kitchen, putting on our coats, grabbing leftovers & saying goodbyes, when his aunt cornered us.  She started talking about how great it'd be to hold a newborn and how we should have kids etc.  My husband interjected and said something about how it's not lack of trying (or something similar) and she got all excited.  I think the only part of the conversation she noticed was the "trying."  She started going on about how when she got pregnant the first time, she & a friend went to AZ for a vacation, and indulged in lots of booze & drugs.  I snarkily turned to my husband & said, guess we're going to AZ!  She also said her dr told her to take robitussin.  I'm assuming that's how they tell people to take mucinex now to help with cervical mucus.  She left the conversation for a bit but then came back & wanted to hug & kiss me, saying she's sorry for being pushy etc.  I have to wonder if my MIL might have said something, since she knows about our struggle and had watched the whole thing unfold.  His aunt starts saying how it'll happen when it's supposed to etc and I can feel my strength wavering & tears starting to well up.  I did manage to escape without crying, so Im proud of myself for that.
        I also managed to snap at a coworker on Sunday morning during report.  I'm caring for twins from IVF and she indicates that in report.  Then she goes on to say how she (a single woman, in her 30s) is just going to go through IVF and have some twins since it seems to be the popular thing to do.  I tried to politely tell her that she should watch those preconceived notions, thinking she'd move on & finish report.  Nope.  She continues to state about how 19 year olds use it and they have so much time on their side.  I stated that all the time in the world can't change things for people with a medical reason to not be able to TTC naturally and that IVF isn't a guarantee of twins/successful pregnancy.  She kept going and since I just wanted her to STFU, I told her that Ive had 2 failed IVF cycles and she should keep her opinions to herself.  She started to backpedal then, stating that it's different because I'm married.  UGH.  I am so tired of the ignorance about infertility!!!
      Our Christmas was nice.  We went by my inlaws on Christmas eve and of course AF decided to show up too.  This one was way worse than after the first IVF, but I think it's because I wore the estrogen patch longer.  I was so sick I considered not going to my inlaws, but large amounts of motrin/tylenol & alcohol made it possible.  I got some more barnes and nobel gift cards, so I am well on my way to get the nook Ive been saving for.  My inlaws also gave me 2 tickets to see Maroon 5 in April!  My mother in law & sister in law have the seats right next to mine, so it's like a girls night.  She told me to invite whoever I want.  I just have to figure out who.  Im so excited. 
     Christmas day my family came over for brunch.  Nice and low key.  I felt slightly better than the day before, so that helped a lot.  My mom went all out this year, but not as bad as I worried she would.  we got a keurig!  I'm excited to play with it, and maybe it'll help me keep a control on the amount of caffeine I drink.  I can even get decaf cups for when Im cycling again!  My brother & sister in law gave me fuzzy moccasins and a giftcard for victoria secret.  It was nice just to spend time with my family.  Other than that, my husband and I just hung out & watched christmas movies with a couple bottles of leftover champagne.
   Im starting to think about making my WTF appt.  Its nice to have the time off, but it's weird not to be doing something.  AF has been wonky.  It started heavy on Christmas eve.  Normally I spot for a couple days first.  It was also super clotty (sorry for the TMI).  The weirdest part is that it was only 2 days long.  2 super bad days, then nothing!  where did it go?  I used to have week long periods. Thanks a lot IF!