Holding onto Hope

    It's been a week today since our transfer.  The little twinges & cramps are becoming less and less, but the bloat is still there (oh YAY!)  One of the girls on the message boards who did her procedures at the same time as me got a BFP last friday.  So naturally I caved and tested on saturday.  BFN.  Now, I know this is way too early.  I have that trusty chart from NYU saying I won't even have detectable hcg until like Weds.  I'm keeping hope that I just tested too early.  These hormones are doing a number on me.  I've even begun garbage picking.  Let me explain.
     I woke up at 5 am on saturday to do my Crinone & change my estrogen patch.  I wasn't even planning on taking a test but something in my head said just do one!  So after waiting the 5 minutes, I saw it was negative, tossed it in the garbage & went back to bed.  A few hours later, I get up & go to brush my teeth & get ready for the day since my father in law was coming over.  Again, that pesty voice in my head said look at the test!  So I garbaged picked and found the test.  Holy Eff there was a super faint 2nd line!!  I stared at it for a long time, debating on if I tell my husband or not.  I asked him to come see it since I really thought I was seeing things.  He agreed he saw it & then scolded me for testing already.  We agreed not to read too much into it since we knew it was too early.  That didnt stop me from calling up Dr. Google and consulting him about if it was an evap line or not.  I also told DH that I was bringing another pregnancy test with us on the overnight we were going on to a friend's Christmas party.  Well, the test on sunday was negative, so I'm thinking it was an evap line.  Todays test is negative too.  Like I said though, it's still too early, so I'm trying not to worry yet. 
    Seeing the negative tests has made me think though.  What are we going to do if it's another failed cycle.  We haven't talked about it yet.  Part of me wonders if we should take a break.  I've already used up 2 retrievals off my insurance and I'm not exactly excited to have to start over with my deductible again.  Then there's another part of me that just can't give up.  I already know the RE will make me wait out a cycle inbetween.  Should we maybe just do a few IUI's with injectables?  we only did IUIs with clomid before plus I really don't think I was being timed appropriately for the IUIs. 
    I also have to wonder about our diagnosis.  We're unexplained IF.  Is there anything else we can do as far as testing to figure out why this isn't working?  Not like I really want to have an endometrial biopsy or saline sono, but if it'd help us figure out why, then why not?  I also wondered about additional labwork.  I asked them to run an AMH level with one of my lab draws with this cycle.  I've never had it checked, and I need to find out the result.  I've never been checked for the thrombophillias or any of the immune testing.  I do have eczema, so I have to wonder if there's something immunological at play.  Some days I think I'm just looking for an answer that might just not be there.  Sometimes unexplained is unexplained. 
   There have been days I considered giving it all up, persuing adoption, all of that.  I just can't give up on myself yet.  I am stronger than this.  I will beat this. 

P.S.  I don't remember if I mentioned this before or not, but I found out that the person I sent my leftover Ovidrel to (I never ended up needing to use it for our IUIs) if pregant!  I can't even begin to explain how happy I am for her & her husband.  I'm glad that I was able to help her.  She gives me hope that this will work.  You gotta have hope.