Survivors' guilt?

This has been a topic on my mind for awhile and I didn't really know how to address it.  Honestly, I still dont.  At times, I feel like I'm stuck in some wierd limbo.  Part of my brain is still stuck in IFworld-where I wake up in the middle of the night expecting my water to have broken, or to no see both heartbeats on an ultrasound.  I start to worry when I don't think the babies are moving as much as they should.  In fact, that got me sent to triage at the hospital a few weeks ago.  I had called the OB because I didn't think the little boy was moving like he normally does, despite doing things that usually get them going.  They sent me to the hospital to be safe.  Well, after 4.5 hours on the monitor and a horrible OB resident that felt it was necessary to attempt to ultrasound my spine through my belly, the babies were both fine and we got to go home.  However, there's other times that my brain relaxes and believes I'm just a pregnant lady.  That doesn't happen too often, but the break is nice. 

I suppose the hardest part of being in this place is that many of my friends from the IF world are still fighting their battles.  Some are dealing with loss, others waiting for adoption, a few still haven't seen 2 pink lines on a test save for the triggers.  A huge part of me still associates with them.  Then my anxiety kicks in.  I avoid talking about my pregnancy around them.  Not because I think they don't care, but for fear of being insensitive.  These people were sometimes the only thing that helped me stay sane-ish throughout our journey.  I miss them.  I know they are happy for me, as I would be were the roles reversed.  Sometimes I feel as if I've downplayed my joy for the sake of others.  I try to avoid my bump ending up on facebook, because I remember how hard that was when I was having a bad IF day for example.  I love these babies and wouldn't change this for the world.  It's horrible that anyone has to go through infertility.  But at what point will I say it's okay to just let go of feeling guilty that things have gone well these past months?  I know it's not my fault that bad things have happened to my friends.  It's just a wierd place to be in.  Sometimes I just feel very alone.  I don't associate as well with some of my mommy friends because not all of them went through IF so I don't always feel they understand.

On a funny-ish note, DH and I were talking about what happens after this pregnancy.  Ideally, I'd like to breastfeed until the twins are a year, then wean and try again.  He sometimes thinks we're done.  I remind him we still have 3 frozen embryos, but his response is that "maybe it'll happen on it's own."  I about died.  Sure, 3 IVfs, countless shots, pills, immune suppression, IV infusions.....and it'll happen naturally.  He can dream right?