And now, we wait.

  Well folks, the two week wait is upon us.  I know Im being heard too, since I see I actually have followers now.  Thanks to all my loyal listeners!  Both the ER & ET are over and now Im just in limbo.  So let's que the dream sequence.....

ER was on 12/5.  We arrived bright and early and thanks to having gone through it before, I didn't get too nervous until I was on the table & they were going to start my IV.  The nurse anesthetist had a hard time finding a good vein which just skyrocketed my anxiety, but once she got it, it was smooth sailing.  She even gave me some zofran because I told her I sometimes get sick from anesthesia.  What a sweetheart, but talk about a horrible case of drymouth!  The RE came in all ready to get started then next thing I knew I was waking up.  IVF & IF sucks, but man do they give good drugs!  I worried when I woke up cause I felt strangely fine.  Then they told me we got 16 eggs!  Thats right folks, double what I got last time!!  I got moved to a recovery room, lots of vitals & more IV fluids.  And the best juicebox I've ever had in my life!  They took out my IV & told me I could get redressed & go home.  They didnt go get DH this time, but thats okay, I just wanted to go home.  I spent the rest of the day resting on the couch and drinking more gatorade than is humanly possibly.  Which consequently lead to having to go to the bathroom every 20-40 min.  I must have done something right though cause I really haven't felt at all like I did last cycle.

The REs office called the next day with the fert report.  When I answered the phone, it was the RE himself.  I immediately asked what's wrong!?  Nothing was wrong, he just had my fert report & the nurse wasn't in the office that day (okay girl, breathe!) Okay, sit down & brace yourself for this.  ready?  Of our 16 eggs, 12 of them were mature!  It gets better, they had enough eggs to divide them into two groups.  One group, they would let fertilize naturally and the other they would ICSI.  Of the mature eggs, 3 fertilized naturally and 5 fertilized with ICSI!  The best part of the phone call?  He was pushing us to a 5 day transfer!!!  OMG!!!!  a 5dt means we would be transferring our sweet lil embies back in on mine & dh's dating anniversary (we've been together 10 years, can you believe it??!)  I think it's a sign!

So flash forward to yesterday.  I follow all my directions to the letter & show up nice and early.  The valium was already kicking in by the time the nurse brings me back to check my bladder.  My nursing bladder didn't win this time, I drank double the water I was supposed to & was good to go!  DH & I get put in a room to get ready, ie paper gown & nothing on from the waist down for me & some kind of smock thing for him.  Plus booties for our feet.  The RE comes in to give us the scoop on the embies.  Turns out we had 3 that made it to day 5.  One was a morula (stage before a blast) that they would continue to watch to see if it caught up to freeze.  We also had 2 blasts!  One was an early blast that came from the natural fertilization group, the other was a fully expanded blast, which is what happens right before they hatch!  OMFG get outta TOWN!  We have MotherTruckin blasts!!!!!!  obviously, we chose to transfer the 2 blasts back in.  They took us in the room, strapped my legs into the huge stirrups & away we went.  Last transfer, I barely felt anything.  This one was more painful but nothing unbearable.  First the speculum was too short I think, so they got a longer one.  Then it felt like he was digging around in there for what felt like FOREVER, like how many options do you have doc?  I caught myself tensing up & had to keep deep breathing to make myself relax.  Finally it was time to put them in.  They were handed into the room through the little door in the wall (dh's favorite part) and I focused on the ultrasound screen.   Then they were in!  the embryologist checked the catheter to make sure they weren't hiding out & all systems were a go!  Speculum came out, thank god & the nurse was waiting with the bedpan.  I swear if it had gone on much longer, I might have peed on the RE.  That's what I get for trying to outsmart my bladder!  In the glory of using the bedpan, it definately overflowed and got the table and the back of my shirt.  Epic fail!  I had to lay put for 20 min then we could go.

The RE noted that my cervix looked pretty irritated and suggested we change my progesterone from the endometrin (remember I had bleeding with that one last time too) to Crinone gel.  They gave me enough to get through the week & if it works well, then we'll order through my mail order pharm & I'll replenish their stock.  I also got a Dr. note for work to limit my lifting, since I'm on restriction until at least the beta.  We set our beta appt for a week from friday & home we went. 

All & All, I feel pretty good.  Occasional cramping & twinges, but nothing too bad.  The Crinone isn't bad either.  I start estrogen patches tomorrow & oh boy I can't wait.  Those made me nuts before. 

The embryologist called today to update me on the morula.  Unfortunately, it couldn't be frozen, but she told me she was glad I was resting and to send her a photo in 9 months.  I'm thankful for her optimism.  If anyone should be able to be optimistic, it should be the embryologist.  This is it.  I can feel it!  Oh, my trigger is pretty much gone too (it's a super uber faint shadow at 7dptrigger).

If anyone is curious to know how things progress after a 5dt, this is the reference I've been using.http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

Thanks for stoppin by!

It's been awhile....

Oh my poor neglected blog, I'm so sorry for ignoring you!  It's been a busy few months.  Let's see, where did we leave off.  Oh yeah.  The failed IVF cycle.  That sucked.  When we met with the RE for our WTF appt, he said that on paper, the cycle went just fine.  He recommended we cycle again with the same protocol.  He changed me doses a little & added baby aspirin to the routine.  We ops ted to join in the December cycle group, partially because I was was afraid that if we stopped treatments for too long, that we wouldn't start back up, and also because I've already met my deductible this year. 

I started BCPs around Halloween and had my baseline the day after Thanksgiving.  Stims started the day after that.  Honestly, I was surprised that he didn't cancel me.  During my baseline, they found a cyst on mt right ovary.  Apparently, it wasn't that big and must not have been affecting my estrogen levels, so I got the green light.  Stims this time went so much more smoothly than last time.  I did 10 days this time, and never hit the "I can't do this" crazies.  I triggered last night at 8pm and am going in for my retrieval in the morning. 

This whole time, I've said that I have a feeling about this one.  It feels different than IVF#1.  I don't know if its just because I know what to expect or what, but I really think this is the one.  I even had a fortune cookie tell me "your present plans are going to succeed."  How can a cookie be wrong?!  I've taken some extra steps this time, vitamins, a St. Gerard medal, meditation, we went to church.  I've sent meds I didn't need to people that are OOP.  That all has to mean something right?  Granted, I'd be just as happy just to help someone. 

I've been trying really hard not to get all caught up in things and get ahead of myself.  I did however, look ahead to what days could be transfer days.  (In my defense, I have to let my husband know for work)  If we make it to a 5dt this time, it'll be on monday, which is mine & my husband's dating anniversary.  We've been together 10 years.  It's really hard to believe where we are now vs 10 years ago.  It's funny because I wasn't even sure I wanted to date someone initially, but now I can't imagine my life without him. 

BFN

Well folks, I was right.  Blood test (beta)showed I am not pregnant.  Not even a little bit.  My level was zero. 

What a rollercoaster!

So, I've been cruising along on my estrogen patches & endometrin supplements when all of a sudden Friday night I started spotting.  I was like WTF?  I thought I was either out or it was implantation bleeding.  I decided to keep an eye on it & by the time I was due for another dose of endometrin, it was gone, leading me to believe it was from implantation.  I should probably add that I never spot when Im on progesterone.  Well, this lovely little rollercoaster continued until Monday when I called the RE and they said it could either be my period starting or irritation from the meds.  Little did I know I was inserting the endometrin in too far, so the bleeding was probably my cervix.  Whoops.  So I felt a little better when the spotting stopped, but all my internet cheapy tests have been negative.  I am presently 11dp3dt so some pregnancy hormone (hcg) should be present.  Nope.  negative.  I go in for my beta tomorrow and I am just dreading it.  What makes matters worse is that tomorrow is also my first day back to work since the retrieval.  I am just dreading facing everyone.  Some of my coworkers knew what I was doing, so I really just don't want the questions. 

I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed with saddness and I havent even gotten the official yet.  I know that if it's negative, I'll do it again.  It's just hard to think about doing it all over again.  A friend of mine text me last night to tell me that she thinks Im an incredibly strong person for what Im going through.  I have no idea how she sees that.  All I feel is scared, sad, and broken.  I feel like there has to be something wrong with me that we have taken out every other factor and still aren't pregnant.  I feel like Im letting my husband down (which I know is silly, and he'd love me even without kids).  I just thought this was it.  I know Im not officially out until the lab results, but it's so hard to be optimistic right now.   

No frosties...

I forgot to add in my last post that none of the remaining 2 embies made it to freeze.  So it looks like we'll be looking at another fresh cycle if this one doesn't work or if we want more children.  I was heartbroken when I got the news.  I worry that I won't have the strength to do another cycle.  Especially after how hard it was getting to do the shots towards the end.  I know I'll do it if I have to, but some days its a lot harder to be stronger than others.  I hope these embies take!

Retrieved, transferred, PUPO

I know I just wrote a post, but I thought talking about the egg retrieval (ER), embryo transfer (ET) and everything just deserved its own post.  I was instructed to trigger sunday night for a tuesday morning ER.  I got the standard set of instructions, nothing to eat or drink after 10pm, arrive half an hour early etc.  We got there around 9:30, and they took me back almost right away.  I was instructed to change into the paper gown & the anestheologist was in to take my history.  She walked me back to the procedure room, in my paper gowned, bootied & hat glory.  I started to get nervous once I saw the room.  They had me lie on a table with these gigantic stirrups.  They started an iv, which hurt like a bitch, but I shouldn't complain since it only took one stick.  She gave me a little versed first & I completely relaxed.  Next thing I knew, I was waking up & it was over.  They helped me to a little recovery room and brought my husband back to be with me.  I didn't feel too bad, just kinda sore.  I had to hang out until I got the whole IV bag in, then they gave me some juice, sat me up, took out the iv & let me go home.  We ended up being able to get 8 eggs.  Not quite the amount I had hoped for, but better than nothing.  I spent the next couple days taking it easy on the couch.  All in all, recovery wasn't bad.  I felt very bloated and heavy, but nothing I couldnt manage with tylenol.  They called the day after the ER with our fert report.  Of our 8 eggs, 7 were mature, and 5 fertilized.  The called2 days after the ER to schedule our ET for the next day.  I was a little disappointed they wanted to do a 3day transfer(3dt) vs. a 5dt but happy that the embies were growing well enough to transfer.  They had me come in on friday 9/14 for the transfer.  I had been instructed to take my valium half an hour before I was supposed to show up at the center and to eat a light breakfast.  I had been told it'd be just like my IUIs but with ultrasound guidance, which required a full bladder.  They checked my bladder to see if I was full from drinking the water I was instructed to & of course it wasn't.  I blame my nursing bladder.  So 20 minutes and another bottle of water later, I was ready.  Back into the gown & hat/booties, and back into that room I went.  At least my husband got to be in there this time.  I got strapped in, verrified my name for the lab (they better have put my embies back!)  We had talked to the RE before we went in about how many to put back.  We had the following embryos growing: 1-10 cell grade 4, 1-8 cell grade 4, 1-8 cell grade 3 & 1-6 cell grade 2.  We opted to put back the 2 grade 4 embies.   The tranfser itself was painless.  It was like an IUI, except my IUIs sometimes hurt.  I had to lay there for 20 minutes after, thankfully they offered me a bedpan(gross I know).  I got to get up then, get dressed & we were on our way.  I had 2 days of bedrest, but now I'm just limited in lifting more more than 10-15 lbs, no sex, no exercise, no tobacco/alcohol (duh!).  All in all, not bad.  So as of right now, I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)with a beta set for 9/26.  I dont know how I'll make it till then.    Oh!  I forgot, wanna see the best part?  the RE gave us a photo of our embies! They are the little white dot with the arrow pointing to it.  I know its kinda hard to see.  

It's been awhile

I've been neglecting my poor blog.  I hope it forgives me.  Stimming kinda took a lot out of me.  I ended up stimming for 11 days with 75 IU of menopur and 175 IU of follistim, then added ganerelix for the last 5 days.  I'll tell ya, I'm pretty proud of myself, even if it sometimes took me an hour to do a shot towards the end.  I triggered on Sunday night 9/9 and went in for our retrieval on 9/11.  These were all of the shots I ended up doing, and a photo of the final shot.  28 shots in 11 days.  YIKES!!