So, I've been cruising along on my estrogen patches & endometrin supplements when all of a sudden Friday night I started spotting. I was like WTF? I thought I was either out or it was implantation bleeding. I decided to keep an eye on it & by the time I was due for another dose of endometrin, it was gone, leading me to believe it was from implantation. I should probably add that I never spot when Im on progesterone. Well, this lovely little rollercoaster continued until Monday when I called the RE and they said it could either be my period starting or irritation from the meds. Little did I know I was inserting the endometrin in too far, so the bleeding was probably my cervix. Whoops. So I felt a little better when the spotting stopped, but all my internet cheapy tests have been negative. I am presently 11dp3dt so some pregnancy hormone (hcg) should be present. Nope. negative. I go in for my beta tomorrow and I am just dreading it. What makes matters worse is that tomorrow is also my first day back to work since the retrieval. I am just dreading facing everyone. Some of my coworkers knew what I was doing, so I really just don't want the questions.
I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed with saddness and I havent even gotten the official yet. I know that if it's negative, I'll do it again. It's just hard to think about doing it all over again. A friend of mine text me last night to tell me that she thinks Im an incredibly strong person for what Im going through. I have no idea how she sees that. All I feel is scared, sad, and broken. I feel like there has to be something wrong with me that we have taken out every other factor and still aren't pregnant. I feel like Im letting my husband down (which I know is silly, and he'd love me even without kids). I just thought this was it. I know Im not officially out until the lab results, but it's so hard to be optimistic right now.
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