You gotta get up and try.

Happy New Year everyone!  Sorry I've been MIA for a while.  I've been having a rough time lately.  Maybe it's the BFN, maybe its that we just hit the 2 year mark of TTC, Im not sure.  I just can't shake this bitterness.  I know other peoples' fertility does not effect mine.  I just have such a hard time having other pregnancies seemingly thrown in my face.  The girl I work with complaining about how sick she is, or the senior resident posting her u/s on our kitchen bulletin board.  I can't even eat my lunch in peace.  Or the people who complain about how their kids won't sleep, eat, excessive extracurriculars etc.  Do you know how much I'd kill to stay up all night with a baby?  I keep telling myself that dealing with those people and facing it will just make me stronger.  Though there are days I think I'm just full of shit.

Our WTF appt is quickly approaching.  I've got my list ready, but honestly, I just feel at such a loss.  I know he told us the last time that some of his couples cycle 3-4 times before getting pregnant.  The thought of doing a 4th cycle for baby#1 makes me kinda sick.  There just has to be a reason this isn't working.

As part of my prep for IVF3, I signed back up at the gym.  Reducing my BMI is the only thing the RE said is something else I can be doing to help this work. I've also started making a conscious effort to eat better.  I downloaded an app to calculate my calories and keep track of my workouts.  So far I am notoriously coming in below what I should be for caloric intake, but the app is scolding me.  I need to get closer to that 1290 calorie/day mark.  I do notice I feel better after working out, but I'm lacking some serious motivation today.  I know I need to go, since I work the next 2 days.  So far I've lost 5 lbs though, so I guess the hard work is paying off.  I looked up how much I need to lose to bring my BMI into a healthy zone and I guess I need to have my jaw wired shut.  88lbs to be a healthy BMI.  it seems so far away.  Here's some stats though:

• Starting weight & BMI 1/1: 228lbs, 41.7 BMI

• Today's Weigh in 1/9: 223.5, 40.9 BMI

In order to be out of the obesity range(into the overweight range), I need to get to 163 lbs.  I'll be a normal healthy BMI is I can get to 136 lbs.  That's about what I weighed in high school (and I thought i was fat then, HAHA!)If I can keep up the progress Im at now, I should be able to get there in 12 weeks.  I know that's a lot to loose, and average should be 1-2 lbs a week.  I can do this.  I have to.  I should probably get to the gym now lol.  Have a good day everyone!

Oh, if you haven't heard it yet, go listen to the song Try by Pink.  There's a few lines I've been taking to heart lately. 

"Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try"


I gotta get up and try.xoxo